I allowed myself to fall into the trap of disappointment once again, an energy that I would gladly trade for anything else in the world, lol. The problem always lies when I forget to stay present, when I imagine a particular future then become attached to it to the point that when it doesn’t manifest I have this wonky misery. Like, I bring it on myself, and can even make myself sick over it until finally I arrive at the place I belong, in the present moment (yes!) where nothing has really changed at all.
This funk doesn’t happen often. I am usually so la-la-la positive, so when I fall out of that, I fall kind of hard. Like migraine headache hard. But I take solace in aesthetics. In the beauty of the world – the love I have for friends, family and pets; the incredible feeling I have when I hike around Green Lakes; the delight I take in listening to live local bands (I am a first-class groupie!); the exquisite artwork my students are creating; the smell of beeswax when I am working on encaustic paintings; the satisfaction of seeing my own art on the walls of a restaurant; and, of course, fashion.
I just love fashion. It’s fun to put myself together for work, to put my best stilettoed foot forward. I wore a lot of skirts and dresses in the past two weeks. The weather in Syracuse, New York has been magnificent!
Life is a fun dream, isn’t it? Even the perceived bad is really good in disguise and it allows me to have faith in the knowledge that whatever happens is for the best. The universe is my best friend and ultimately, my life is a romantic comedy. Thank you, Almighty, for putting me in situations that bring me closer to my wishes/prayers/dreams every day. I trust you. <3
Just got home from an amazing business/fun trip to Jersey City, NJ. Now I am in my PJs with my cat on my heart thinking about what I will wear to work tomorrow.
Here are my looks from the past couple of weeks.
The weather is getting warmer here but for a while it will be darker and probably colder in the mornings because of Daylight Savings Time.
My new Michelle DaRin choker is currently in heavy rotation, lol. I have been wearing a lot of pink because of it.
All of my clay projects are drying and the 5th grade wood sculptures are glued (will need to put all the boxes away!). Am going to be doing some painting in some classes starting tomorrow, so I will need to compensate by wearing short sleeves.
One of the main reasons I haven’t been blogging – I was having technical difficulties with my Instagram account. The pictures were not saving to the camera’s gallery. I tried uninstalling the program and reinstalling it and it didn’t work until tonight. Yeah, tonight it worked. Weird.
I must be more relaxed or something – I am on vacation. Or maybe it’s just an example of perseverence, although I had been on the verge of giving up, lol, over something so simple.
A former student asked me how he could get his creativity back. He thinks he’s lost it, I guess. And the truth is, no one can find it for you. You just have to take the time to quiet your mind of all the bugs that are attacking you.
No more I’m not good enough…I can’t do this and all that junk. Believe you can do it. Know you can. Then think about how you will do it and just do it.
I know that some of my friends did not like hearing me say that I did not want to make new artwork until I started selling the art I have already made. It is not that I lack creativity. I just desired a sign from the universe that my art is leading to other great things. It is very important to me to achieve financial success as an artist because I want to show my students that it is possible. I mean, that is one reason. I mean, I didn’t make over a thousand works of art for them to just be stored away forever. That doesn’t make a lick of sense.
And then, I haven’t been doing anything to make any of it happen. I haven’t been actively seeking venues or peddling my wares anywhere since the Natur-Tyme exhibit where I sold a handful of $5.00 cards. So, I kind of sound like a person who does not take my own advice.
The truth is I wanted to manifest getting an art show in a passive way. I was already doing everything I could to get myself out into the stratosphere. I am here. Right here. And on Instagram and Linkedin and Facebook. I have over 20,000 views on this blog. I wanted someone to find me. Someone who was looking for me and my art because they know it will sell.
Well, it finally happened. I will give you more details as it gets closer to show time. I was asked to be part of an art show at a medical facility in New Jersey. The show starts some time in April with a reception on May 5th, 2016. I will be exhibiting and selling my Dreamtime and Echolalia series paintings (it is an animal-themed show). The curator saw my work on Linkedin.com.
Trina Turk recently replied to my comment on her picture on Instagram. She said, Love you, too and something about wanting to be an art teacher one day! I have the dream of meeting her one day, becoming friends and maybe even working with her – designing clothing with silk dyed to match my watercolors.
Two years ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed I would actually be interacting with her on social media. Things can happen. You can mold your life consciously even if you dream big.
This blog is about my community, my artwork and fashion because I have all of these other dreams. And I think it is perfectly okay to slide your creativity around to wherever it takes you. Who knows where it will stick? There are bound to be more glitches along the way. That is kind of the fun of it. To never lose faith even when junk makes you feel like quitting.
I have a few more goals to achieve with the remainder of this February break. I am buying a car, so I guess these fashion posts are going to seem redundant for a while. While preparing the stuff for my taxes I tallied how much money I spent on clothes this past year and it was kind of a lot. (No, I don’t deduct any of it, lol) It would be nice if clothes were free, wouldn’t it? Just thought I’d throw it out there if anyone is listening. Would love to make that one stick….
This week I did a lot of black on the bottom (BB). So far, I have not done a single repeat in clothing or shoes. I like the idea of planning what I’m going to wear for people to see because it’s kind of a fun way to look forward to going to work, so thank you to all of the people who liked my Instagram #ootd (outfit of the day) posts.
I went to a funeral this week. My great aunt died. I know how some of you don’t like being morbid, but I can’t help trying to see a big picture to life when someone I cared about leaves us for good. I know, and I don’t even think about dying at all. I think more about all the living I need to do and the existential quest of what I am supposed to be accomplishing, as though I had a plan before I was born. I am supposed to find something or someone in a search for happiness, as if I had a bet with someone up there in the ether that even within the parameters of the life I was given, I’ve been challenged to still find it. Whatever that may be.
It reminds me of the famous Robert Rauschenberg story of the Erased DeKooning piece. In the video made at the time of the 1997 Guggenheim retrospective, Rauschenberg talked about how he had been doing a series of white paintings and he had conceived the notion of erasing a work making it white again (the paper). The idea of the process backwards, you see? It is such a cerebral notion for a guy who spent a lifetime laughing.
He decided he wanted to erase someone else’s piece since erasing your own would have this feeling that you already knew how it was made, so it would be a lot easier to erase your own work. You know how much pressure you had placed on the pencil and how much elbow grease it would require to get rid of those marks. That makes sense, right?
So he went over to DeKooning’s, a formidable guy even sober. He knocked – the artist didn’t answer at first and he thought, okay so the idea has now died. I tried and knocked and …nothing. Done and done.
But DeKooning answered, let him in, closed the door behind him and stood in front of it so that Rauschenberg couldn’t escape after announcing his query – in the back of his mind he thought for sure that DeKooning would beat the crap out of him.
But instead, DeKooning said something like. “Okay, I understand what you’re asking. I’m going to give you something hard to erase.” He handed Rauschenberg a drawing made with charcoal and paint and other materials, and Rauschenberg spent months trying to erase it.
It was a challenge, and that made the idea more fun. And as much as non-artists scrunch up their noses and think that’s not art with an Emperor’s New Clothes mentality, you really have to admit that it took loads of time and a lot of work to erase that art. So in essence, it was and is artwork.
Art history scholars tend to relay it as a message delineating the changing of the guard from Abstract Expressionism to the new Pop Art establishment, but Rauschenberg himself insisted that was not his intent.
No matter what we do, people will put their own spin on things. Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez are Instagramming like clockwork, and they take the good and take the bad along with it, the negative-nellies who voice their harassment of the selfie variety, and can be very harsh in doing so.
I won’t let that stop me from continuing my journey. I am having fun with the fashion stuff, which was heavy on the Banana (Republic) this week.
In light of the death, my parents were talking about buying their plots this week. Preparing for the inevitable in a way to reduce our stress when the time comes. My great-grandfather bought one extra plot a long time ago and Mom and Dad were thinking of trading it in for their two – but that spot is like my perfect spot. It is a short walk from my great aunt and uncle’s graves, overlooking the Comstock Art facility, which is next to Manley Field House at Syracuse University. I kind of want to keep it for myself. It seemed familiar, like a part of the puzzle that made sense but didn’t….
It really is surreal to think of ending up there. Like, what? That’s all this was? Me, dead, with a view of my art school, along with a giant oak tree and a huge gravestone marked MILLER? What is that supposed to mean? I mean, I know.